Magic, Illness & Daily Streams

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I don’t talk about my disease a lot. It’s not because I haven’t accepted it, it’s just that I don’t want to be seen as someone who is disadvantaged, because the truth is, I’m actually very fortunate. I have so many things that people would kill to have, so it feels wrong to sit there and complain about having this disease and how it weighs me down. But lately, I’ve been thinking I should talk about it. Perhaps it could help other people in similar positions? Perhaps it could help me? I don’t know, but I do know that my weekly blog posts are supposed to be honest, and honestly, this week has been hard.

For those that don’t know, nearly 3 years ago I was randomly diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. It was lame. This last few months have been a particular struggle for me, mainly because I am under a lot of pressure and stressing myself out/running myself into the ground. I can see this point in the near future where if I keep pushing, I’ll actually be on the road to the career I want (more on that in a bit) and it’s so hard to stop pushing myself because it feels so close. I know that when I get to that point, things will get a lot easier, so that is one reason I put this pressure on myself. I also know that no one is going to wait around for me to get better, they don’t owe me anything. I need to prove myself now so that I can set myself up for the future, which I am fine with. The downside to that is that some days, I wreck myself. Thankfully, a lot of what I do, I do from home or at night. Which is great, because if for example my blood sugar goes really high and I can barely move without feeling like I’m going to throw up, I can just sit and take the time to work it out. In fact, as I’m writing this, I’m trying to bring myself to eat something just because I’m feeling a bit sick, but not as bad as I have felt on occasion lately though. But if I worked at say, a cafe, there is no way I could manage to make coffees and serve people, but right now, sitting in my Star Wars Pajamas, I’m ok. I’m managing.

The worst part is that I never know how to explain the problem to people, so I usually say I’m sick. I think that’s better than saying my blood sugar is high or my blood sugar is low and I feel like I’m dying on the inside, because that would just get confusing and at the rate that it happens lately, might seem unbelievable or like I’m making an excuse, which isn’t the case at all. I could just say I can’t do the thing I’m supposed to, but I am a firm believer in always at least trying something and besides, most of the stuff I do, I genuinely love doing. I would much rather be doing my best in any given situation, than doing nothing at all. So yeah, this week I had a few of those sick days.

I’ve also come to the realization that I’ve been stretching myself too thin, but also I know what I want to do now. It also happens to be something I can do, which is very new. Not because of the Diabetes, but just in terms of what I have at my fingertips right now. I mainly want to be a streamer and community manager. I have said before, I love telling stories and connecting with people and my recent experiences with Twitch have shown me that it is without a doubt the best and most instant way to do so at the moment. Interacting with Twitch chat is so much more rewarding than replying to comments on YouTube, because it’s instant. I do love replying to comments, but Twitch is more like a conversation which I like. I also want to do more community building/managing stuff, which is another thing I’m passionate about. Twitch is fantastic, but it’s limiting in the sense that it’s online. I would love to meet people at events, chat to people, and just connect in the real world.

Through streaming, I have also started to learn how to produce streams using XSplit. I found out that my graphics card came with a 1 year premium license and my motherboard came with another, so I have access to the premium XSplit program until July 2018 (more than enough time to get established I hope!) so I would be crazy not to learn. In the short time I have been using XSplit, my streams have improved so much in terms of quality, now I just need to make them fun to watch! I also want to continue writing and blogging, as well as just creating content in general.

I’ve decided that my ideal week would look something like this:

Blog post/1-3 hour stream/produce a stream/work

1-3 hour stream/produce a stream/time & space to freelance/work

1-3 hour stream/produce a stream/time & space to freelance/work

1-3 hour stream/produce a stream/time & space to freelance/work

1-3 hour stream/produce a stream/upload YouTube video

1-3 hour stream/produce a stream/upload a YouTube video

Pretend I don’t exist

I would obviously like to have attending events and stuff like that in there too, but that’s sort of what I’m aiming for at the moment. I am so late to the streaming game and I have a lot of catching up to do. So with that in mind, I will be doing a stream every day this week from my own channel. I’m using a 4G dongle to stream because my home internet is awful, so I’ll be using this week as a sort of trial run to see how much it costs, then I’ll test out various time slots and work out a proper schedule. At least that is the plan for now. I love streaming, I love chatting to people, especially about video games, so it’s such a positive thing for me to be focusing on now. Speaking of positive things, let’s talk about Magic The Gathering.

On Saturday, I was lucky enough to be able to go to the Grand Prix in Sydney. I did a write up on PressStart which will be up soon. My blood sugar was super high in the morning, so I felt disgusting, then we hit traffic and missed a turn, so we were super late. But I ended up having an amazing time and didn’t realize how much I actually miss playing Magic. I’ve also missed writing a lot. As I’m currently moving into this live streaming space (part of the reason I wanted to start blogging again) and away from writing, which is fine, it’s nice being able to work for Press Start because its such an awesome opportunity to flex those writing muscles.

This week is a pretty big one for me. Apart from streaming every day on my own channel, I’m hosting and producing every night on 6T4 Bites. I’ve also got No Man’s Sky coming, We Happy Few to play and the first episode of Telltale’s Batman game. Oh, and apparently there is an Attack on Titan game releasing this month! How did I miss that one? I hope it comes out before No man’s Sky, because I highly doubt I will leave the house when that game finishes installing. I have high hopes for it, but we will have to see.

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